You can try to imagine how you personally might react when faced with the news of a brain cancer diagnosis, especially a life limiting one. But this isn’t something you can truly fathom until it happens, and when it does, you never react quite the way you would have thought.
June 23rd Was the Day
I remember being a nervous wreck because I knew that was the day I would find out if I had cancer or not. By this time I already knew I was facing a brain tumor. As mentioned in my first blog, An Introduction to Kiss My Astrocytoma, I had brain surgery in May 2022 so they could biopsy brain tissue to determine what these lesions were on my brain. Up until that point we had no idea what we were facing. Shortly after the surgery I learned that this was a low grade brain tumor called an Astrocytoma. My tissue sample then had to be sent to the Mayo for further testing to determine if this was a cancerous tumor; with a Grade 2 Astrocytoma, it could go either way.
I was surprised by how bluntly the news was delivered to me. “This is a form of brain cancer.” I’ve since realized that is probably by design – there is no good way to share that type of information and I’m sure sugar coating it does more harm than good. I understand why it happened that way. I immediately felt ill and my face got hot. Outside of that, I actually don’t remember much of what was discussed after that. It was truly a blur. A lot of questions were asked, treatments were discussed, I think I cried, I’m not really sure. My heart was in my stomach and my stomach was at my feet.
When we left that appointment and stepped into the elevator i looked at my parents and said “I cant go back to work today. I want to run away to the cabin.” And they said, “then lets go.” It was a Thursday, and within hours we had gotten ourselves packed up and off we went to Parker’s Prairie, MN. I learned that day that my cabin is my save haven.
I spent the long weekend at my cabin with my parents and 2 of my closest friends. It was a really therapeutic weekend spent with loved ones, spending time in the water, listening to music, enjoying some drinks, and eating good food. I had a lot of time to reflect and process which is just what I needed.
Running Away?
I’ve heard so many times that running away is an unhealthy coping response, yet it’s always been my go to. And not because I think I can run away from the problem entirely, but because I need to distance myself immediately from the problem to process, work through it, and take care of myself. Then, I return to handle my shit. I’ve been told in the past that this “storming away” response is reactive or immature, but to me its always been what I need. It is not an unhealthy coping response for me.
Human beings are each different, unique individuals based on both genetic make up and environmental factors. No two people should be expected to respond in the same exact way or feel the same way in the same situations. That being said, I don’t think that there are necessarily right or wrong ways of coping. I think that there are destructive ways of coping and there are healthy ways of coping, based on each individual person.
I’ve learned to be very kind and patient with myself. If my mind is telling me to hide away for awhile, I listen. If my mind is telling me to rest, I listen. If my mind is telling me to cry, I listen. So long as I’m not turning to destructive things, I allow myself to do what feels comfortable. This mentality has become key for me and has truly been a game changer.
Coming Up on Kiss My Astrocytoma
Astro-What?
Hailey’s Toolbox: Coping 101
A Day in the Life
♡ Hailey
Questions? Comments? Ideas?
This is a really good sharing of yourself Hailey. It takes courage to share your life in this manner, but I imagine it’s a mindfulness exercise in some way and can be therapeutic for you. Keep posting. I’ll keep reading.